Getting Back in the Game

Well, this was certainly a longer pregnant pause than I ever imagined.  In the 18-ish months since I last posted, I gestated and birthed a baby, returned to running, found an amazing running partner, raced a 5k, 10k, and half marathon, and connected with mother runners all over the country thanks to Another Mother Runner and Strava.  Far too much to discuss in a single post...

I've been nagging myself for months to return to this blog, but as the days since my last post increased, so did my stress about posting again.  What could I possibly say after such an absence?  How could I write the most clever and poignant post ever to make the wait totally worthwhile?  An epic post isn't going to happen, so I will settle for owning my absence and moving on.

I could easily blame my lack of posting on being a busy mom of three.  For a long time, my gut response to the question "How have you been?" is to say "Busy but good."  I hate the word busy, and I'm trying to eradicate it from my brain and my vocabulary.  Life is obviously busy, and it always will be.  I want to retrain myself to answer that inquiry with the succinct but powerful mantra, "Life is good."  So I won't tell you that I've been absent because I've been busy.  You are surely busy too, and in spite of busy-ness, we make time for the things that matter to us.  Instead, I've been absent because I've been swept up in life, and life is good.  I'm back, and I will try my hardest to remain here.

Morning fog along Highway 21 in Lesterville

Last weekend, life was good on our annual family trip to Black River Lodge in Lesterville, MO.  I snuck out early Sunday morning for a run and was serenaded by birds and cows as I ran through a veil of fog.  This picture does not do justice to the peacefulness and beauty of the morning, but it was the best my sweaty fingers and the iPhone camera could manage.  The run was certainly not the easiest of my life, at least partially due to the s'more or two that I enjoyed the night before.  Nevertheless, it was lovely and freeing.  Life is good.

A Pregnant Pause

Not a goodbye; simply a see you later.

Still battling the day-long nausea and vomiting of pregnancy, I long to be out running again.  I see runners dart past my house, and I mentally cheer them on, wishing that I could jump in alongside them. However, this is a time of pause for me.  There is no way my unstable stomach could handle the constant jostling of a run; some days, I can barely manage a speed walk to the bathroom!

I expect this miserable state of pregnancy to end in early December, which is, admittedly, a terrible time for me to restart a running program.  I'm also unsure how my body will respond to running after so many weeks on the sidelines.  But I hope I take the chance to try.  Running does wonders for my mental health and gives me a sense of identity, which I sincerely miss.  I know I am still a runner, but my body and my brain ache to prove that by hitting the road again.

In the meantime, this blog may lie silent for a while.  I've meant to post so many times over the past few weeks, but my energy level is low, and it seems a bit pointless to post in a running blog when not running.  I'll be back, I promise.

Back in the Saddle

I ran for the first time today since July 3rd, and though it wasn't effortless and it certainly wasn't pretty, I am happy to be back.  We spent the last 10 days in sunny Florida where I did some pool running, but mentally and physically, I needed a complete break from road running.

During today's run, which had to be on the treadmill, my legs felt strained from underuse over the past several weeks, and I had to use every ounce of willpower to complete the miles I had planned.  (Full disclosure: a promise of post-run Cheetos and Diet Coke may also have helped motivate me to finish.)

While I appreciate my treadmill and all that it does for me, the hamster wheel concept rings true.

I think I will take a break from my running log for a bit.  I need to reconnect with my love of running and not feel encumbered by counting my weekly miles and studying my average heart rate.  As a self-declared nerd, I love analyzing those statistics, but for the moment, I think I need to run with my heart rather than my brain.  I'm looking forward to running my local outdoor routes this weekend.  How I have missed those roads!

Dealing with Frustration

For medical reasons, I'm currently a sidelined runner.  I haven't run in a week, and I'm not sure if it will be days, weeks, or months until I can run again.  I'm trying to exercise patience with the situation, though that is easier said than done.

Our city's heat wave finally broke today (with a high only in the low 90s), which really had me itching for a run.  As I took care of a few errands this evening, it looked to me like the entire city was out running while I sat idly by.  I passed my usual routes and felt a pang of envy for those out running on my favorite stretches of sidewalk.

However, I'm trying to keep this hiatus in perspective.  I don't necessarily have to run today; I want to be a lifelong runner.  If not running right now means that I can continue to run for years to come, then my current break from running is well worthwhile.  I'm allowing myself this virtual pity party, but I need to accept this as a bump in the road and move on with life.  There will be more runs for me in the future when my body is ready to accept them.  In the meantime, I need to focus on all of the good things in my life and know that my return to running will be so much sweeter because of this break.  Absence makes the (already fond) heart grow fonder.

A good reminder for me as I wait out this period of unknown.