The bad news: I have to finish miscarrying this pregnancy in order to get back on the road.
Though I was only 6 weeks along when my body miscarried, I have felt deep and serious grief over the loss of this baby. I can only imagine how much more heartbreaking a miscarriage is for those further along in their pregnancies.
From the outset, I did not think this would be a viable pregnancy. My heart knew that I was never meant to hold this baby in my arms, and though I thought I had prepared myself for this outcome, I can't shake the incredible sense of sadness and loss over the tiny life that will never be. The sweet face I will never see. The happy laugh I will never hear. The soft baby skin I will never feel. The fresh newborn scent I will never smell. The tiny toes I will never kiss.
| You weren't meant for this world, sweet baby, but you will always be in my heart. |
But I know that I will (eventually) survive this heartache and come through it a stronger person. I find myself hugging my children closer these days and enjoying even the most banal of interactions with them. Life is a gift not a guarantee, and I must remember to treasure the moments I am given.
When I'm ready, I'm looking forward to a refreshing, cathartic run. I imagine it will be a tear-filled endeavor, as I let my guard down and come face-to-face with my feelings on the miscarriage. But I can't wait to go out on the road, mourning the loss but also celebrating the life that surrounds me.
